× MI × 22 ×
asleep
im exhausted
but i cant sleep
sitting here and twiddling my thumbs
until the sun comes
in hopes id get tired and fall asleep
but i dont so i take all the meds i keep
locked away in the cabinet
just enough to sedate me
and let me be
but not enough to kill me
to settle the demons
but not enough to kill them
because i have learned to make friends with them
as i lie there waiting for the hit
and fall asleep
instead of weeping
everyday, i grieve for the person i was supposed to be, the person i will never get to be
comfort
there’s comfort in these four walls
there’s comfort in being ill
theres comfort in wanting to stay longer
even if it makes you miserable
and theres comfort in being still
theres comfort in being miserable
and theres comfort in isolation
there’s comfort in being unstable
and theres comfort in validation
there is something so comforting about sadness. about throwing things on your bedroom floor and not picking them up. about binging reality tv in the dark for 14 hours straight. about lying in your bed and not moving while the world continues to turn around you. overwhelming and heavy depression is comforting because it’s familiar. it allows you to sink into yourself and rot there for as long as you want. thats the vicious cycle with depression, it takes everything to not give into the comfort and familiarity that comes with it.
Why does no one talk about the comfort that comes with sadness, depression, sh etc. its so comforting i will force myself to go back after so much progress just because its so familiar
one of the worst parts of self harm and suicidal ideation is when you’re sitting next to someone you love so much and all you can think about is how badly you want things to end
